<If Life Feels Lacking in Freshness…>
When I was a single mother raising my children, I once attended a party. I dressed up, curling my hair and putting effort into my appearance. There, I enjoyed a conversation with a woman I had just met. As the conversation unfolded and she learned more about me—especially the fact that I had three children and was a single mother—her relaxed smile faded.
This woman was about ten years older than I was. Our conversation continued, but at one point, she jokingly remarked, “If you’re a single mother, you should be wearing wrinkled clothes and looking stressed.” I didn’t take her comment personally, but I did start to wonder why I had attracted this situation. What was it within me that was resonating with this moment, hearing these words through her, and feeling something stir within me? Was it something I could let go of?
The words “attachment” and “expectation” came up within me. I began to clean with these thoughts. By the end of our conversation, the woman asked, “How can a single mother of three look so refreshed?” I simply replied, “I meditate often.” Yet, even as I spoke, I continued cleaning.
The reason I’m sharing this old story now is that when we hold expectations, big or small, we lose our natural rhythm. When we’re out of rhythm, we experience emotions like anxiety, doubt, anger, and disappointment. It’s also important to recognize that expectations aren’t just reserved for positive outcomes.
In addition to hopes like “Marriage will make me happy” or “I’ll be free once I save this much money,” we have countless assumptions that shape our daily lives. We expect that single mothers should look a certain way, that middle age restricts us from certain things, that Americans don’t understand certain things, that certain people won’t understand us, that our family will react negatively if we do a certain thing. We live each day guided by these expectations, both positive and negative, instead of following our own unique inspirations, rhythms, colors, and energy.
If hearing this evokes discomfort or sadness, it’s a great opportunity to start cleaning expectations. Pay attention to the background noise of “thoughts” that flow almost constantly, and look for those “shoulds,” “must-bes,” and “this is how it is” beliefs. Catch and clean with them one by one.
As you continue this catch-and-release process, you’ll likely start to feel a shift within yourself. Just like a child who realizes they can now ride a bike naturally, you’ll begin to notice a freshness and purity around you, like discovering a new perspective you hadn’t seen before.
Peace,
KR
