For my whole like I was afraid of losing a loved one.
As a young child I recall watching a movie of the week about children losing their mother and I wept uncontrollably. As long as I can remember I was afraid of the thought of my parents one day dying. I was afraid of the idea of grief, the thought of not being able to handle the loss or life without the loved one, the thought of no longer having the loved one to see and hear. As a child I was devastated when my beloved cat died, and when our dog died. I felt such a profound sadness and sorrow.

I took my first SITH class in 2011 and have practiced this miraculous process ever since.

When the fear of losing a loved one would arise, I would clean. I love you. Thank you. Thank you for the opportunity to let this fear go. These thoughts would arise and I would use a tool. As Dr. Hew Len said in our class – Just Do It. Get to the cleaning. And so, even though I thought the fear would be mine forever, I did it. Even though I felt the sorrow would one day get hold of me, I would clean.

In 2021 my Dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer. The moment of the diagnosis we knew the remaining time in this life for him was short. I remember weeping at this news. Weeping, and cleaning. I cleaned for every part of the experience – of witnessing my father declining, suffering, dying.

I spent a good amount of time with my Dad, Mum and family the last few months of my father’s life. Watching his decline and knowing he was soon to depart this life. I am grateful that cleaning was my constant companion when I was with him and when I was driving home. I am so grateful I had this process. When I didn’t know what to do I would simply use a tool over and over and over again. When I didn’t know what to think I would clean.

My Dad passed in his sleep one night and I was grateful. I was grateful his suffering was over. I cleaned with these feelings of being grateful and the feelings of my Dad being gone. It felt like time was stretching out in a different direction from that minute. I cried, I was sad, but I was not overwhelmed.

It was not long after Dad transitioned that I realized there was no grief. Where I feared grief would reside instead there was peace. Instead of the feeling of loss and deep missing of my father that I had feared my whole life, I was left with the feeling that my Dad was never here. Not in a bad was but in a strange miraculous way – my love for my father remains as it always was but there is no ‘missing the loved one’, there is no ‘sorrow of not having my Dad to talk to’, there was no overwhelming sadness. I am left with a peace beyond understanding and Love for my Dad. A true miracle of Self I-dentity Through Ho’oponopono in my life.

Thank you. I love you.