In our daily lives, have you ever found yourself emotionally shaken by a child’s behavior or by someone else’s words?
At those moments, even though we believe we are reacting to the person right in front of us, we may actually be seeing our past memories instead.
We spoke with Wailea, a Ho‘oponopono instructor, about how to face and relate to the memories that appear in everyday life.

＜When We Expect “Perfection” from Our Children＞

Irene:
Thank you for being here today. Actually, just before this interview, my daughter had a presentation at her school. She was in a very bad mood and lashed out at me, saying, “I didn’t want you to come watch.” Before going to school, she was cheerful and looking forward to her presentation, but afterward, seeing her lose confidence and express her anger really shocked me.

Wai’ale’a:
Yes, I understand. We tend to expect so much from our children.
Speaking from my own experience, I have dyslexia. Reading is difficult for me, so I didn’t mind even if there was a C on my report card. But my father compared me to other children and said, “Sheryl and Janet got A’s. Why can’t you do the same?”
That was a reflection of my parent’s own memories, and in that sense, it is unavoidable. Because we love our children, we naturally wish for them to “do better.”

Irene:
That’s exactly right. I don’t think I was consciously demanding perfection or good grades from my daughter, but perhaps I was expecting to see a happy version of her at school. And when she reacted in the opposite way, I ended up reacting to that myself.

Wai’ale’a:
Something my son once said to his daughter—my granddaughter—left a deep impression on me. When my granddaughter was feeling competitive with her younger brothers, he said to her, “It doesn’t matter whether you win or not. If you are making a good effort, valuing yourself, and enjoying what you’re doing, that’s enough.”
Through the experience of hearing my son’s words in that moment, I was able to receive a message for myself: “Just be yourself,” or authenticity.
I have learned and practiced the process of caring for myself through Ho‘oponopono, and through my son, it felt as though that response came back to me. It was a truly beautiful moment.
There is no need to be excellent at everything. In every situation, we can work with our inner family through Ho‘oponopono, listen to the voice of Divinity, and simply do our best while enjoying the moment.

＜Why a Memory from 60 Years Ago Appears “Now”＞

Irene:
Thank you. But why was I so shaken by my daughter’s attitude that I completely lost myself? This connects to the theme of your upcoming IZI lecture, “Who do you listen to?” I was completely dominated by the “external voice” of my daughter’s bad mood.

Wai’ale’a:
That is because we carry memories that span many generations within us.
The emotion you felt in that moment may not have been yours, nor your daughter’s. It could have been your great-great-grandmother’s memory, or even something from another lifetime.
Morrnah, the founder of SITH Ho‘oponopono, often said, “We are only seeing the tip of the iceberg.” Even if we notice an iceberg above the surface of the ocean, we have no idea what lies beneath the water, what shape it has, or how massive it truly is.

In fact, just 1 hour before coming here today, while I was cleaning, a memory suddenly resurfaced.
It was a memory from when I was in 2nd grade, of a girl pulling my hair and calling me ugly.

Irene:
Right before coming here?

Wai’ale’a:
I’m already 70 years old (laughs). That was more than 60 years ago. Yet the pain from that moment was still inside me.
I wondered, “Why did I remember this today?”
If I were to meet her today, how would I react?
Do I still dislike her, or have I already been able to clean with that memory? There’s no way to know.
However, what I became certain of again through this experience is that unless we clean, memories remain there forever. And the fact that it appeared today means that the opportunity to let it go had arrived.

Irene:
When that memory came up, what did you actually do?

Wai’ale’a:
I spoke to my Unihipili, the inner child, like this:
“Oh, I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you for showing me this. I don’t know why she did that back then, but now is now. Come on, let’s clean together.”
And then I simply continued to clean using the tools, saying, “Thank you. I love you.”
There is no need to look for reasons. We just clean the memory that has come up.

Irene:
So instead of dismissing it by saying, “What a strange thing to remember,” you used it as an opportunity to speak to your Unihipili.

Wai’ale’a:
Exactly. Because once it finally appears, it is a chance.
Normally, we are not even aware of memories, but everything that is happening is actually the replay of memories and their reflection.
Memories do not disappear unless we clean them. I can’t remember what I ate for breakfast yesterday, yet I still remember even the name of that unkind girl from more than 60 years ago!
If we don’t clean this, then what in the world are we cleaning? (laughs)