Conflicts and misunderstandings in relationships often stem from what I perceive as a “fear of losing love.”
My daughter has been married for seven years, and two years ago, she had a child.
As she transitioned from being my daughter to becoming someone’s spouse and a mother, I experienced not only the beauty of her journey but also friction and challenges of equal intensity.
Each time, I chose to clean, and as a result, I am deeply grateful for where we are today. One profound realization emerged during this process: every relationship has its own identity.
In the relationship between my daughter and me, I’ve realized that if I continue to expect her to remain the “daughter who is my daughter,” I will miss out on experiencing true love.
If I return to my true self—what we call Zero—at any given moment,
then my daughter and I can engage not through expectations, but from Zero.
In every relationship, we are presented with opportunities to clean the memories that play out as expectations. It’s as if we meet these people so that we can free ourselves from those very expectations.
The greatest gift we can offer in any relationship is to clean away the expectations tied to its identity, allowing freedom to emerge.
You don’t have to force yourself to forget the problems you see in someone or the pain they may have caused you. Nor do you need to think positively. Simply clean the facts as they are in the moment, and you will begin to reconnect with your true self.
Me and my daughter.
Me and my daughter’s husband.
Me and my former husband.
Me and my 13-year-old beloved dog.
When I clean and free myself from the assumption that “I am a mother,” and then speak to my daughter,
I can engage with her not through memories but through my true self, through love—through inspiration.
My daughter often says to me:
“When I’m really struggling, I don’t want to talk to my friends. They all say the same things.
But you always say something completely unexpected, and it helps me so much.”
I believe her words come from the fact that I clean my expectations and assumptions as much as possible before talking to her. And in doing so, I not only help her but also make things easier for myself.
The pain inflicted by others is, in fact, a memory that already exists within you.
This pain doesn’t come from outside—it has always been there. To truly heal this pain, we must work with our subconscious mind. Trying to change the other person or their way of thinking won’t remove the true source of pain, because the pain resides in your Unihipili.
If you’re experiencing pain right now,
use whatever tool feels right to clean it.
Then, notice how you feel.
Does your body feel lighter or calmer, even slightly? If so, direct your attention there.
From that place, new experiences will arise, and you can clean again.
Through this process, you’ll free yourself from memories.
Peace
Irene Schwonek
