Many people seek a perfect partner, a flawless marriage or relationship.

At the same time, we often hear concerns like, “Even though I’m cleaning, I still haven’t met the right person,” or “I don’t know if he’s the one.”

Let me share with you about my own marriage with the husband I was with for many years.

I, too, was one of those people—cleaning many issues while constantly questioning, “Is marrying him the right decision?”

Every time that question arose, I cleaned. I also cleaned with the anxiety of not knowing the answer clearly.

On the day of our wedding, when we exchanged vows, I found myself in tears. I didn’t fully understand why I was crying, but I explained to those around me, half-jokingly, “Maybe my Unihipili (subconscious) already knew what was coming.”

Back then, I truly believed, “Now I’ll be happy,” “Everything will go well.”
But in reality, marriage brought up many opportunities for old memories to surface.

There were peaceful moments and turbulent ones. We shared many seasons together.

My husband had heart issues, and for about 10 years—especially in the final 2 years—his condition progressed significantly.
During that time, I cleaned deeply: my role, my fears, my feelings of guilt…

Even after he passed, I continued to clean our relationship through my own experience.

Some things I’ve been able to release. Others, I still carry.
But what I experienced through cleaning with him has been truly precious.

One of the gifts that came through this process was the realization: “Most of the time I spent with him, I was seeing him through memory.”
In other words, I had rarely seen who he really was.

I clearly understood—we see others through memory.
99% is memory replay.

That’s why, even now, I continue to clean with his presence.
My cleaning around our marriage is still ongoing.

With every cleaning, our relationship transforms in that very moment.

And I now realize—
Even if I think I “know” someone or “understand” them, that may only be a projection of my own memories.

That might sound disheartening when it comes to relationships, but SITH Ho’oponopono gives us options.

It offers the choice to ask Divinity to erase memory so that we can see the other through the eyes of Love.

By cleaning with my judgments of the person I think I “know,” I release those memories from my path.

And when that happens—
By stepping aside, I allow him the space to be himself.

Marriage, whatever it may look like to your intellect, is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself.
To me, it is a gift from Divinity.

When I clean through the relationship, freeing myself from memory, the other person is also allowed to return to their true self.

But this doesn’t come from my own judgments about who I think they are—it only comes through whether or not I choose to clean.
That is the sacred path revealed.

Peace,
Caroline Kawaianuenue Sayres