How Can We Cross Time and Space to Deeply Clean on Family and Ancestors?

Nello Ceccon：My children are in their thirties now, and I too have situations like this. Just as you said, children often touch our emotional switch and bring out very deep emotions in us. From my own experience, as a parent, sooner or later you will go through exactly the scene you just described.

For me, the first step is to become aware that my emotions are easily influenced by my family, and to see my own patterns. For example, if I know I have a pattern of anger, I remind myself to try, as much as possible, not to let my emotions burst out all at once in front of my family.

We are human. Sometimes we may be unable to control ourselves, or may not even know why we act the way we do. But at the same time, I also feel that our children learn and grow even from our imperfections, and even from our mistakes. In certain situations, the arising of emotion is not in itself right or wrong. But this does not mean that we may shout at our children, or pour out all of our emotions onto our family. What we need to learn is forgiveness — and first of all, to forgive ourselves.

I practice forgiving myself, and after something happens, I begin cleaning right away. Ho’oponopono is a process of coming to know oneself. We are not blaming ourselves; we are understanding ourselves, and cleaning on these inner patterns. Once the related memories are released, they no longer need to replay in our lives.

Among the cleaning tools taught in the Ho’oponopono course, there are some for undoing the effects of what we ourselves have done. In situations like this, I use these cleaning tools. In this process, I trust that the negative influence I have had on my child will be lessened, and that time can be turned back.

Nello：Yes, those are all memories that are replaying. This is also why, if we can, we need to maintain the connection with our Inner Child. Perhaps these patterns will not disappear in a short time, but what matters is that, in the process of cleaning, we can choose to stop the chain reaction of these memories.

For example, the memories that come from the family we were born into, or the patterns our parents passed on to us, may keep replaying unconsciously. But we can remind ourselves that we have the ability to stop the replaying of these memories.

The memories of how you yourself were once treated, as a child, do not need to be carried on to your own children. Through cleaning, these memories can be released, and they will no longer appear again and again in your life.

Nello：Thank you for sharing. Being able to become aware of this is very important. We are indeed influenced by the memories of our parents and our ancestors.

In my experience, I have spent a great deal of time forgiving my parents, as well as my uncles, aunts, and other family members. I know that the relationship between them and me influences my life, and so I have cleaned very carefully.

For example, I ask myself a question: “What is the relationship between them and me like?” Then I clean on the answer I have given myself.

At the same time, I also deeply clean on the scenes of my interactions with them that remain in my memory.

I believe it is very important to be willing to spend time deeply cleaning on the memories connected with family and ancestors.

This does not mean that we need to recall every last detail of everything that once happened. Rather, for example, when I know there is something I have always kept in my heart, or when a memory related to a certain family member suddenly surfaces in the moment — that moment is a time when we can let go, a time when we can clean.

To clean on the thoughts and feelings that still exist within. This is a process that requires patience. And my goal is to be able to return to peace — to be able to feel peace toward my own past, my family’s past, my parents’ past, the past of my grandparents’ generation, and the past of my ancestors.

And cleaning is precisely one path that lets us return to peace.

I also clean on the names of my family’s ancestors. My great-grandfather, my grandfather, and even earlier, my great-great-grandparents — although I have never met them, when I do the 12 Steps (something learned in the official course), I write down their names and include them in the cleaning. In this way, I clean on my family line and my ancestral line.

Nello：When I say “deep cleaning,” it first of all means giving myself the time and space to be able to sense my true thoughts and feelings toward a certain person or a certain matter.

In this process, some memories may naturally surface and appear in consciousness. When I clean on these thoughts, feelings, and the memories that surface, I know that at the same time I am also cleaning on the memories in the subconscious that are linked to one another like a chain — that is, beneath one memory there is yet another memory linked to it, those deep memories connected layer upon layer.

Another meaning of “deep cleaning” is to clean carefully and concretely. For example, to clean on the names of my great-grandparents on my father’s side and on my mother’s side — this is a very concrete way of cleaning.

Or again, I have a portrait of my great-great-grandfather, painted in the 18th century. When I feel the need, I stand before his portrait and clean.

Nello：If this is your inspiration, then yes. In this way, you are in fact helping your subconscious to return to peace with them. You are sending your subconscious a very direct signal — that you wish to experience peace with this person.

Even though we do not know exactly what kind of memories exist in the subconscious, we do know that those memories exist. Our goal is not to vent emotion, but to transform — so that we can once again return to peace.

Ho’oponopono is a process of repentance, forgiveness, and transformation, and in this process, we are willing to open ourselves to what is within.