The moment I begin to think, I become lost

The moments when we lose sight of ourselves are not found only within the great events of life. They come, too, within the small, everyday choices. We no longer know what to choose. What looked so natural just a moment ago suddenly becomes unclear. The more we think, the further we drift from the flow that is meant for us.

Have you ever had an experience like this?

Recently, something like this happened when I was buying grapes. I was at the supermarket, choosing grapes as I always do.

“Ah, this one today. It looks so sweet.”

“Today it’s the green grapes. They look incredibly sweet.”

“Next, the red grapes. These look the sweetest.”

Usually, that is how it goes — through what I see and what I touch in that moment, I choose naturally.

But that day was different from usual. The thinking had begun.

At first, the green grapes looked very good to me. I was about to reach for them, when a thought crossed my mind.

“No, I have a feeling the red ones are better today.”

And so, thinking that, I bought the red grapes.

For me, the very moment my head begins to think about “what to do,” the natural flow meant for me can become blocked right there.

And the red grapes I ate after returning home were, sadly, not what I would call delicious.

When I returned to the supermarket some days later, I cleaned, and I apologized to the green grapes.

“I’m sorry I didn’t buy you.”

And I apologized to the red grapes as well.

“I’m sorry that, on that day, I carried you home by force when I should not have bought you.”

About a month later, I went to buy grapes again. This time, I simply waited for their shine.

And then, all at once, the red grapes came to me. So I took the red grapes.

But in that moment, inside my head a voice was saying,

“But last time, when you bought red grapes, it was terrible, wasn’t it?”

But I said,

“No, I will not listen to that today. Whatever happened last time, what I choose today is these red grapes.”

And those red grapes were truly sweet.

Thought is always getting in our way. In an instant, we can slip into a state of being lost.

It may seem like a trivial thing. Whether grapes are sweet or not may not look like anything important in life.

But what I experienced here is not a method for choosing sweet grapes.

The flow that is, by nature, always given to us.

The information we need.

The choices prepared for us.

It is about how much all of these are blocked by our thinking.

And that chance is arising within even the smallest things of daily life.

Shopping at the supermarket.

Choosing what to wear each day.

Whom to call, and when.

Which book to pick up.

Which program to watch.

Even within these small daily choices, we are given the chance to erase our memories and return to who we truly are.

Every single grape, and every single television or YouTube program, has its own identity.

Through my encounters with them, when I clean myself, the shine of life, the true flow, and the rhythm given to me are little by little restored.