A Great Ship

About fifteen years ago, in the wake of the Great East Japan Earthquake, I came across one of Dr. Hew Len’s books and began cleaning.

Inside me there is always unease and tension. I have little confidence in my own life, and a fear that can leave me unable to move.

When I was young, the emotions that welled up overwhelmed me. I believed I could never go on living like that, that one day I would break. And yet, fifteen years on, I go about my days a little at a time, walking one ordinary life, steadily.

Even though I have kept cleaning in my own way, I still do not really understand how to communicate with my Unihipili. I do not hear the voice of Divinity. I feel neither inspiration nor rhythm.

And yet Ho’oponopono taught me that, to begin with, “I know nothing.” My conscious mind is very small, and however hard I try, there is no way for me to understand what is truly happening.

There are times when the reality of longings and dreams that never came true wears me down. But if I cannot know what is really happening, then I am released from the weight of having to control my life by my own strength, and a relief arrives in which I can breathe properly.

Every day, I clean without thinking much of it. In the morning I repeat Ice Blue quietly to myself while I get dressed. I am late, I make mistakes, I feel low and cry a little, I wash my hands with Blue Solar Water, I do the laundry, and I fall asleep with the manual under my pillow.

Sometimes I imagine that I am aboard a great ship. It is so vast that I, who am aboard it, cannot feel it moving. My body is still, the scenery around me does not change, and it seems to me that everything is at a standstill.

And still the ship keeps moving, without pause.

When I think that I may be moving forward without knowing it, expectation rises in me at once. And then I remember that the expectation, too, is something to clean, and I say Ice Blue again.

Peace of I