Parenting Gets Lighter — The Habit of Asking “What in Me?”

Christine Leimakamae Chu — A new light for parenting

Walking through Tokyo, we asked Christine about parenting. When something happens with our children, we tend to feel we “have to fix it.” But Ho’oponopono teaches us to turn our gaze toward ourselves first.

Is it really the child who needs fixing?

As parents, we want to be perfect — and we want our children to be perfect too. So when something happens, we try to be responsible parents. But Christine suggests we look at ourselves first.

“I know it looks like it’s the child that’s having a problem. But I like to ask myself: what in me am I holding on to that could be the cause of this situation?”

The child is simply showing me what I have to clean up. So the child is perfect. What I took to be a flaw was, in truth, within me — and once I see that, all that remains is the beauty of the child.

Whose dream is it, really?

Every parent wants their child to find their own path and make the most of their gifts. And yet —

“We might say, as parents, that we want our children to live their dreams. But really, deep down, we want them to live our dreams. Let’s be honest.”

A successful doctor, and so on — where does that wish come from? Christine says quietly, “Those are just memories.” The truth is, the child usually already knows; it’s we who get in the way. If we can clean our thought of “this is best,” at least the path opens, and the child can find their true interests.

Behind every choice, a memory

The best food, the best lessons, the best sport — amid an endless flood of information, Christine always cleans the thoughts that arise.

“‘Maybe I should send my child to soccer camp.’ The thought comes, the flyer catches my eye. So I apply a cleaning tool: I love you, thank you for showing up.”

Then she asks: “What in me is causing such a strong desire for my child to do this?” If it is a forceful memory, it only becomes a weight on the child. That is why she wants to move from love and care, not force.