2026/11/15: KR Online Lecture

＜When There Is Something You Simply Cannot Accept＞

There are times in life when we think, “I simply cannot accept this.”
It might be a relationship with someone, the condition of the house we are living in, or the way we are treated at the front desk of a dental clinic.

About our own home, our work, our family, or the situation we ourselves are placed in,
“This was not how it was supposed to be.”
“It should have taken a different form.”
Such thoughts can come up as well.

One of the things I am truly grateful for in practicing Ho’oponopono is that at moments like these, instead of looking only at what is happening on the outside, I can look at myself and ask, “What is happening inside me right now?”
When we cannot accept something, more often than not there is a judgment or an expectation there.
“A place like this ought to be this lovely.”
“I had such a wonderful time with this person the last time we met.”
“I should be this way.”
Without knowing it, we carry a great many expectations.

Doesn’t this happen in everyday life? Take a watermelon, for example.
Say the watermelon we ate last week was wonderfully sweet.
And then, the next time we buy a watermelon, without realizing it,
“This one is sure to be delicious too”
is what we are thinking.

But when we cut it open, it is not as sweet as the one before. And then, “What? Last week’s was so delicious! Why is this one like this?”
Such a thought comes up.
What is this, really? It is just a watermelon. That watermelon was delicious. But the one in my hands this time is not. That is all it is, and yet what this small thing means, and the reaction I see surfacing in myself because of it, are deeply interesting to me.

We go to a favorite restaurant we have been to any number of times, and we feel, “What is this?!” or we are left with an unpleasant feeling we never had before.

With a trip we planned down to the last detail, with work we have grown thoroughly used to, with the relationships that were supposed to give us a sense of security,
we are doing the very same thing.

It is the same with the house. I want to live in a bigger house. I want to live closer to nature.
I want a room as beautiful and well ordered as the ones I see on social media or in magazines.
There is nothing wrong with wishing for these things, of course, but when an ideal or a longing is strong, the house that is right here becomes invisible. We can no longer feel the very presence of the house that is protecting us.

The house shelters us from rain and wind, and gives us a place to eat and to sleep. It lets our family rest.
The house itself is an identity. So if experiences or thoughts appear naturally toward the house, that is an opportunity to clean. The house is giving you the chance to clean the experience of not being able to accept that was in you from the beginning.

And what is truly interesting is that, as we go on learning Ho’oponopono, another kind of expectation can be born. Say there was a day when things flowed very naturally.
Even when a problem arose, no one stopped; everyone did what was needed in that moment, and everything moved along almost mysteriously well.
And then we think, “I want to be like this all the time.”
“I want to be someone who can ride the flow more.” “I want to be calm all the time.” “I want to be clear all the time.”
“I want to be surrounded by people like these.”
Before we know it, that too has become an expectation.

Even about ourselves practicing Ho’oponopono, we may at some point be trying to fit ourselves into a mold, telling ourselves that this is what someone doing Ho’oponopono is like, that when we are cleaning we are able to stay calm and full of gratitude. But when we do that, we miss what has just now appeared in front of us.

We do not practice Ho’oponopono because we dislike “the self that cannot accept” and want to make ourselves accept things.
It is from cleaning, from asking what on earth inside me is giving me this experience of not being able to accept right now, that we can go back to ourselves again. Everything is in motion. Steadily, endlessly. Returning to that flow becomes possible through cleaning the experience of not being able to accept. Whether what you were looking for lies beyond that, there is no telling, but to be in the place where you are meant to be, doing what you are meant to do, isn’t that the finest state of all, the one that comes when you are free from reasoning and thought?

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