\u2014 Why does this person say that to me? \u2014<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n “What am I even doing in a place like this?”<\/p>\n\n\n Have you ever felt that way?<\/p>\n\n\n A class reunion, a neighborhood gathering, a child’s school event, a gathering of relatives.<\/p>\n\n\n People who are not complete strangers have come together to share something \u2014 and yet, somehow, we can feel a sense of alienation there.<\/p>\n\n\n Anger that wells up in an unguarded moment. Irritation. Fear. A sense of unease.<\/p>\n\n\n At such times, as though I have become lost in the very place where I am,<\/p>\n\n\n “What am I doing here?”<\/p>\n\n\n \u2014 I find myself feeling that way.<\/p>\n\n\n Feeling out of place. Feeling that I don’t get along with the others. Feeling as though I am being attacked.<\/p>\n\n\n What is truly happening in that moment, I do not really know. But if something within me is reacting there, then that becomes a doorway into cleaning.<\/p>\n\n\n As a single mother, I was raising three children.<\/p>\n\n\n At school events, parents were sometimes asked to volunteer, and I, too, was approached. But in those days, I had no time to give beyond working to get through each day.<\/p>\n\n\n So I politely declined.<\/p>\n\n\n Still, when I had to say “I can’t” again and again, it would be a lie to say I felt no discomfort in that environment.<\/p>\n\n\n When we feel that kind of discomfort, we tend to want to turn our doubts, resentment, and dissatisfaction toward the school, the other mothers, or our own present circumstances.<\/p>\n\n\n But first, I returned to myself.<\/p>\n\n\n “What within me is making that person say such a thing?” “What within me is making me experience a situation where I have to say ‘no’?”<\/p>\n\n\n I placed my awareness there, and I cleaned.<\/p>\n\n\n I do not know the true meaning of what is happening. But if something within me is reacting to that event, then there is something within me that I can clean. So when I notice it, the first thing I want to do is to clean myself.<\/p>\n\n\n There was also a time when something like this happened.<\/p>\n\n\n As usual, when I told one of the committee members that I couldn’t take part in the volunteer work because of my job, the woman, without any ill intent, said this to me:<\/p>\n\n\n “Why don’t you get married?”<\/p>\n\n\n She was encouraging me to marry.<\/p>\n\n\n I was taken aback. And then, afterward, I grew emotional, thinking, “Why does this person say such a thing to me?”<\/p>\n\n\n But even then, once again, I returned to myself.<\/p>\n\n\n “Unihipili, so there was a memory like this. Thank you for showing it to me.”<\/p>\n\n\n “I don’t know what within me is making that person say such a thing, but let me clean this experience.”<\/p>\n\n\n “I don’t know what within me is making me feel this wounded indignation right now, but first, let me clean.”<\/p>\n\n\n I clean it not so that the woman will come to understand me. Nor so that I will be able to take part in the volunteer work.<\/p>\n\n\n I simply wanted to clean whatever it was within me that kept me from feeling freedom and peace.<\/p>\n\n\n I do not know what it affects, or how. But the friction that arises in the midst of living is a chance to clean. A chance to return to who I truly am.<\/p>\n\n\n It is not that I went on to marry someone afterward. Nor that I suddenly became able to take part in a great deal of volunteer work.<\/p>\n\n\n Even so, through these many opportunities to clean, I was able to be myself, working while raising my children.<\/p>\n\n\n What all of this influenced, and how, my conscious mind cannot grasp.<\/p>\n\n\n But as a result of cleaning \u2014 that I am here now. That I am able to remain on my own path.<\/p>\n\n\n For these things, I am grateful from the depths of my heart.<\/p>\n\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" When Someone’s Words Shake You, the Cleaning That Brings You Back to Yourself \u2014 Why does this person say that to me? \u2014 “What am I even doing in a place like this?” Have you ever felt that way? A class reunion, a neighborhood gathering, a child’s school event, a gathering of relatives. People who […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"featured_media":11941,"template":"","teachername":[121],"genre":[106],"newspostcategories":[132],"class_list":["post-11940","about-kr","type-about-kr","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","teachername-kr","genre-selfcare","newspostcategories-post-interview"],"acf":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t